Poe’s Point > Twisted Xmas 2: An Xmas Carol

I suggested yesterday that McFarlane Toys create a second series of Twisted Xmas toys, this time based on Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol. Given that it’s a ghost story featuring supernatural creatures, graveyards, corpses, and Victorian-era values ripe for the perverting, I think this is a no-brainer for McToys–and a sure-seller.

Here’s how I envision the line:

Ebeneezer Scrooge — a grotesque, hunchbacked miser, carrying a sack of filthy lucre and leaning on a cane with a death’s head knob.

The Ghost of Jacob Marley — a horrific, zombie-like corpse, completely buried in huge chains, padlocks, safes, shackles and other heavy iron objects. His jaw-wrappings would be in shreds, and his rotten jaw would be dangling by a thread of cartilage over his chest.

The Ghost of Christmas Past — the obligatory hot chick of the line. In the novel this ghost is actually a kind of young/old male spirit, but enough movie versions have made it a woman to make it work in the public imagination. This figure would just be a scantily-clad fairy, probably carrying a big candle extinguisher.

The Ghost of Christmas Present — described as a “giant” in the book, I envision McFarlane’s version as a huge, gluttonous ogre. His base would be covered with half-eaten food and his magic torch would be more like a monstrous flaming club.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come — C’mon, this one’s easy. Personally I’d love something that looked like the thing from Scrooged, but I have faith that McFarlane would come up with something suitably monstrous.

Tiny Tim — This one would probably be the most tasteless (and there’s always one in these Monsters lines). In the novel he wears those Forrest Gump-style leg braces and carries a crutch. I envision McFarlane’s Tiny Tim as a hulking, deformed teenager with giant robotic braces on his legs–and a crutch like a claymore.