Contest > Win a Play Arts Kai Joker! (Sponsored by FigureoftheDay.com)

In celebration of their two-day sale of the Arkham Asylum Play Arts Kai Batman and Joker starting tonight (March 13, technically) at 3amET/12amPT, Figure of the Day has graciously offered up a Play Arts Joker as a contest prize here at PGPoA! (Read a review here.)

So here’s how to enter: Post a comment below in which you invent a funny new Batman villain. I don’t want you to try to pitch some serious grim ‘n gritty supervillain – I want something so goofy it makes me laugh (although, feel free to pitch an over-the-top grim ‘n gritty supervillain based on something ridiculous, like a serial killer who’s obsessed with Don’t Let the Pigeon Ride the Bus or something).

Then I’ll pick my favorites. Three runners-up will get a Poe Prize; one grand prize winner will receive the Play Arts Joker!

Images welcome too, but don’t think that a drawing along with a giant write-up will necessarily get you the win – the trick here is to make me laugh.

Contest rules:

  • Contest ends Thursday, March 15 at 5pm. Contest winners will be notified by end of the day on Friday, March 16.
  • Open to U.S. residents only.
  • Poe’s Power Pals & friends and family not eligible.
  • One entry per person, please.
  • When posting your comment, be sure to use an email address you actually check so that I can notify you if you win (email addresses are not posted publicly).
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Comments now closed (47)

  • My villain is The Pavement, he has a vendetta against the Atlantic Ocean and is determined to empty the worlds cement supplies into it.

  • My villain is "Impersonator D". He's a talented impersonator who takes on the identities of D-List celebrities that you see at Comic Conventions: reality TV stars, over the hill wrestlers, bit players in movies (i.e., Storm Trooper #4 in the hangar scene), and sitcom stars from the 70's-90's. While there, he sells overpriced bootleg autographed pictures, hits on convention volunteers, and eats all the free food available backstage. Using these identities, he sneaks into VIP parties at conventions and steals all the free swag the actual celebrities are given. He also blackmails the people he impersonates by threatening to release sex tapes that he created while impersonating the celebrity, getting caught drunk by TMZ, or doing comedy routines while using racist language.

    How to tell when Impersonator D is in the act: When people like the wrestler Virgil actually have a line of people wanting autographs, it's Impersonator D.

  • Mine is "The Gagster!"…A gangster with no emotions ,does not feel pain,regenerative poison blood(heals him when his skin breaks,poisonous to others) ,above normal strength and delivers killer deadpan gadgetry to accentuate his crimes.
    Formerly a toy designer who got fired when the Joker framed him to use him for his services.But instead he doublecrossed Joker when his new gadgets blew up in Mister J's face in a crucial moment of near victory against Batman.Joker figures out he was duped and went after the toy designer and dumped him in a toxic waste dump with all his inventions and blew the whole place up.Gagster crawls out with his newfound powers,unable to feel and seem unkillable his thoughts on vengeance and sets himself as a crime boss that would overtake the clown prince of crime in his own shtick.Eventually his touch on humanity ceases with his numbness and just does crime to see the extreme of the emotions that he lost.End of wall of text…

  • Name: the Leap-er
    He shows up every 4 year’s w/springs on his feet toron banks and then leaps away.
    *he needed to and the – in his name because people thought his body parts would start falling off.

  • My new villain is The Clickalicious Noodler. A villain with no regard for common sense and no appreciation for puppies, The Clickalicious Noodler, as a child, was entirely preoccupied with finding photographs of Dan Aykroyd wearing a tutu. As he reached puberty, his priorities changed and his world revolved around taking pictures of Dan Aykroyd wearing a tutu. The Clickalicious Noodler, aka Johnny Ballsrshowing, began a strict training regimen in order to master his superpowers. His two powers (as if I need to tell you) are controlled burst flatulence (for flight and because sometimes he likes to pass wind just to smell it) and his most well-known power; the farmer's blow. When executing the farmer's blow, The Clickalicious Noodler can send "boogies" from his nostril at a speed high enough to give a cat an exit wound big enough to (ironically) fit a cat through. Sadly, Johnny was not gifted with coordination and therefore has the aim of a Stormtrooper.
    It was his poor aim that led The Clickalicious Noodler to come face-to-face with Batman! You see, The Clickalicious Noodler was tooting his way across the great American skies when, much to his surprise, he saw Dan Aykroyd in a tutu down below (as Dan was promoting his new "Crystal Tutu" vodka). However, before Noodler could get out his 7-Eleven disposable camera from his waistband, a member of the paparazzi took a photo first and Dan Aykroyd ran giggling like a little girl into his trailer. Noodler was devastated! Everything he had ever worked for…defeated by a trailer door lock! Well, The Clickalicious Noodler lost his marble (there was only one to begin with). Farmer's blows to the left of him! Farmer's blows to the right of him! Farmer's blows everywhere, hurling to the ground like meteorites! Noodler aimed his open nostril at Aykroyd's trailer and fired. But oh no! The shot was wide (by about 162 degrees) and ended up 328 miles away in the foyer of the Wayne Mansion.
    Bruce, understandably, was pissed. With cowl and cape, the Batman used the trajectory of the booger and quickly located The Clickalicious Noodler! Well, when the Noodler saw Batman coming at him, he got really nervous. REALLY NERVOUS. And when Johnny gets nervous…Pfffflllllllttttt. Yep, The Clickalicious Noodler involuntarily farted, sending him skyward so fast he jumped dimensions and is now in Earth-2 continuity. But one day he'll make it back…and seek revenge on Mr. Aykroyd and the Bat.

    You may be asking WHY the name "The Clickalicious Noodler?" Well, because his creater (me) is "click"ed off that he cannot officially enter into this contest as he is Canadian (and therefore just posted this for the heck of it instead of doing actual work at my desk). And the "Noodler" because his creator had spaghetti for dinner last night and there's still an aftertaste.

    No one steal this amazing character from me please. I'm going to pitch him to DC this week.

  • SO COMES THE PERCULATOR!!!
    (……The theme from "2010: A Space Oddessy" plays in the background…..)
    Alter ego of mild-manered club DJ, Washington Worthington, The Percolator makes sure that the freaks only comes out at night! Coffee Shop barista by day, club disk jockey by night, The Percolator Serves up a wicked hot cup 'o' villany. A steaming pot of ritcheousnous awaits any local metropolitain boy scout that be waiting around. Any orphaned rich boy with a tights fetish. The "gifted", the "spectacular", the "incredible"….all fall under the might of the Terrible TurnTables of Terror that The Percolator weilds with testicularious tenacity! fear …….THE PERCOLATOR!!!! (…insert dramatic pause here…)

    • Often, after changing into his uniform behind the club, he would burst through the back door, trip on a speaker wire, fall into the bossum of the hottest girl there and yell, "It's time for the Percolatoooooooooor!!!!!" thusly, subsequently throwing up on the floor in front of the bathroom and passing out. This is likely due to too much pabst blue and not enough coffee.

      • ok, …seriou
        sly,…. Two words, ….all i'm saying is, ……."Turntable shoulderpads!"
        (you gotta get, dat, dirt off ya shoulder…..)

  • My villain is the Animutator. He combines animals into eclectic hybrids trained to do his bidding. His most notable Animutations include:
    -The Velocirhino
    -The Orangatangaroo
    -The Porcupony
    And the dreaded Anaconduck

  • the vermillion manatee
    was swimming, dressed as a manatee, to spread awareness about manatee's. ironically, he was hit by a boat driven by batman. disfigured and demented, the vermillion manatee now stalks the waterways of gotham waiting for his revenge. don't call him a sea cow!

  • Professor Flatulence was once Fred Art, biochemist. When his wife was killed in a freak sailboat accident because of a strong passing wind, he dedicated his life to the study of it. Theorizing that one could harness the power of air by creating it within the human body via gas, Dr. Fred Art stepped into the quantum gas accelerator which combined nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide into a fusion of wind producing gases. Moments later he vanished… He woke to find himself trapped in the form of human gas, facing body cavities that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to spread his stench all through Gotham City. He seeks out Batman as the heart of his revenge, blaming the Bat for not saving his wife (Batman was nearby getting a suntan in the Batskiboat at the time of the accident) and for his current gaseous form. And so Professor Flatulence finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to pass gas where once was none, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap into Batman, where he can embarrass him on the public stage.

    The Foul Smelling Fiendish Fiend may just be Batman's greatest rival to date! You never know where he will strike or just how bad it will be. Did you just cut the cheese, or did Professor Flatulence strike again!?!

  • Nicolas Cage: The internet version of him. Nicolas Cage snapped one day and decided to become a Criminal Mastermind who would be crazier and more over the top than the Joker.

  • Bruno Outland.

    He's obsessed with Lewis Carroll's novel, "Sylvie and Bruno," to which his name alludes. He quotes from the book (and it's sequel, "Sylvie and Bruno Concluded") constantly, and all his crimes correspond with the books. Few criminal's have ever posed so difficult a challenge for the Dark Knight, since no one – not even Batman – has ever read these things.

    It should be noted that Bruno Outland never quotes from either of Carroll's Alice works, a fact which already makes him unique in Batman's rogues gallery.

  • Oh wait,can I get my first entry deleted?It's not even a joke v=character,lol.
    Here's my real entry…
    "Shadowbat" AKA Bruno Wayans
    He was an orphan who lived in crime alley when Joe Chill killed Bruce's parents,when he saw lone Bruce crying over his parents he wanted to console him but these pearls on the floor made him slip and fall in the sewer grate.While the police helped Bruce they could not hear his cries for help and had to survive living in the sewer for years.
    Years later he became a lumberjack who works nights just to have a little extra when a he cut off a tree one dark night and disturbed a hundred bats that swarmed at him,he was able to swat one bat away into some mansion's window but the incident hospitalized him and was treated for rabies.He swore to hate bats after that….
    Finding new work in a chemical company,when the Red Hood gang attacked .Batman fought the Red Hood leader and he fell down the chemical vat.The Splash from the vat went to his eyes and he went blind but gave him sonar powers!
    A pool player found him defending himself from hobos and revealed to him that he was a ninja called the TOUGH MASTER and will bring him to the Himalayas to train him in Ninja arts in the League of Shadows dojo…Through hardship walking and high temperatures they reach the place but it was burned down.TOUGH MASTER was surprised he got a stroke and died leaving Bruno to fend himself but was incarcerated in prison where he beats up poor farmers wrongly imprisoned there.He was finally deported back to Gotham where he took the mantle of the ShadowBat to fight more hobos incognito.Falcone discovers him and hires him as a thug…

  • Everyone… Meet the worst of the worst… Have a cold bud and hear the story of… /The Contractor./

    Ever wonder how one man makes an evil lair? How one man makes a death trap? This is how. The Contractor makes a pretty penny making supervillain plans into feasible designs for buildings and deathtraps… And he's mad as hell at Batman for repeatedly destroying his works of art! Once an unemployed foreman, Robert Romero was forced at gunpoint to help the Joker construct a giant jack-in-the-box for one of his insane deathtraps for Batman… and loved every minute. As the Contactor, Robert's in an interesting dilemma: If Batman lives, he'll keep destroying his wonderful creations… but if he dies, Robert's out of work- permanently, or at least until a new vigilante claims Gotham City!

  • I'm from Chile and I know I can't participate, but this is a very good way to let my imagination run wild.

    Ladies and Gentlemen… meet The Ludicrous Lawyer!!!

    Lewis Law went to law school to become a good lawyer like his parents, but fate wanted him to never pass his final exam, so instead, he turned into a life of crime as the Ludicrous lawyer! Armed with is special suitcase full of warrants and lawsuits, he confronts Batman with the one weapon Batman can't fight against… the law!

    Will Batman obey the law and let this felon run free, or will he become a criminal to try to stop this ingenious foe????

  • How about NicKillOdeon. He "Double Dares" Batman to solve his awful crimes. When Batman doesnt know how to solve his clues he cues his killer slim. This "Out of Control" villian will make Batman "Salute his shorts"! Will Batman be able to find "The legend of the hidden temple?" Does the worlds greatest detective have the "Guts" to face NicKillOdeon's powers he obtained from "Mr. Wizard's World?" Ummm…..Hey Dude!

  • The Sneaker.

    Although his name might imply he is sneaky like a ninja, it actually refers to him only ever wearing one running shoe. The Sneaker has one ordinary foot and one outrageously large foot which will not fit into any shoes so he only wears a single shoe on his normal foot.

    The Sneaker is not much of a crook cause he finds it difficult to escape crime scenes with an outrageously large foot in tow and is often caught almost immediately by Batman. The Sneakers story is almost a sad one in that he had to turn to a life of crime to support himself because he cant find normal gainful employment in Gotham cause people are creeped out by his abnormally large foot. His foot also smells abnormally bad.

  • Megatron. Yes… Megatron. A guy who thinks he can transform into a gun in order to rob banks.

  • Irritable Bowel!
    He was just a common petty thief, until he broke into a chemical factory and while fighting with Batman, he fell into a vat of Immodium AD! He was transformed into…… well, still a petty thief, but one with a predisposition to chronic abdominal pain, discomfort, bloating, and an alteration of bowel habits.

    He fought with the Joker against Batman, but was doublecrossed by being poisoned with Joker gas and went insane. As a result, he is now stool, I mean still on the loose, as the crazed criminal: Spastic Colon!

  • The STD.
    He is the enemy until the end of your life, the gift that keeps on giving or in this case… the disease infecting Gotham City one person at a time. Batman must find a way to stop him before it's too late or all of Gotham will be doomed!

  • bootman
    parents killed a run away timberland truck. a firm believer in the presidential candidate ferman supreme. he goes about with a work boot on his head, and a costume of all that work-boot-colored-leather held on and together by boot laces. a villain and an antihero because of the savage beating he deals out to those he despises, such as "emo" or "scene" kids and all those who otherwise hate or dont understand 80s metal music.
    his dramatic appearance preceded by screams of "bite the curb!" or "dance with boots, naive!"

  • The Goof Trooper

    Villains are a cowardly and superstitious lot. They also don’t like being corrected. The Goof Trooper was exiled from the criminal underworld for his insistence on correcting others. One goof up and he’d have you!

    “Actually, it’s ’you could NOT care less.’ If you could care less, then it means you actually care.”

    Although the Goof Trooper is far from heroic, he has managed to accumulate nearly as many villainous foes as the Batman. During one confrontation with a ravenous Killer Croc, he managed to nearly become Croc’s dinner!

    Killer Croc

    “When I’m done dinner, I’m going to have you for dessert!”

    Goof Trooper

    “Actually Croc, it’s ‘when I’m done WITH dinner, I am going to have you for dessert’.”

    The Goof Trooper is infamous for intercepting ransom notes and correcting the spelling and grammar with his obnoxiously red marker. “I don’t care if it’s hard to find apostrophes to cut out of magazines, it’s YOU’RE not YOUR.”

  • The Shoemaker!
    Known only by the alias Joel, the Shoemaker set out to defeat the Batman by utterly ridiculing him! Inspired by the Grimm's Fairy Tale the "The Elves and the Shoemaker" the Shoemaker set out on a grand crime spree, working only at night with his gang of diminutive henchman. For his opening act, the Shoemaker snuck into a number of Gotham restaurants and left behind the ingredients for a special "Batman sandwich." As customers arrived the next day, hungry for these Caped Crusader clubs, they were horrified that the secret sauce on these tasty treats was actually made with toxic waste!
    Another time, the sinister Shoemaker managed to steal Batman's credit card and along with his henchman, ran it up to its max limit, daming the good credit score which the Dark Knight had worked so hard to maintain! As much as he pleaded, Gotham's grandest banks were not fully confident it wasn't the Caped Crusader who spent all that money on sports cars, black leather, and strip clubs!

    • One of the Shoemaker's final fiendish feats featured this foe breaking into the Batcave and sewing anatomically correct attachments onto all of the Batman's costumes! So horrifed was the Caped Crusader that he seemingly left Gotham, afraid to show his face. Yes, while the Joker, Clayface, Two-Face, Catwoman, Penguin, bane, Ra's Al Ghul, King Tutt, the Riddler, and many other fiendish foes all tried to defeat the Batman, it took the utter nonsense of Joel the Shoemaker to keep the Dark Knight Detective down for any period of time!!

  • The Switcheroo, This dastardly fiend haunts toy aisles, buying up hard to find or fun action figures, only to return the package with the original figure mysteriously absent only to be replaced by a C.O.R.P.S. figure, a Happy Meal toy or a piece of a can opener that resembles a toy.

  • The Shipper. Writes prose detailing the carefully researched romantic relationship between Batman and Superman. Mails this prose, in the form of stacks of printed copy paper, to the Batcave. Somehow, the prose always ends up sitting on Batman's office chair at his computer, despite Alfred's claims of innocence and the fact that the Batcave isn't reachable by U.S. Mail services.

    Batman's attempts to hunt down and silence The Shipper have led him only to vacant apartments, bare save for a single computer open to a Tumblr page with Batman/Superman fanart and the words "MY FEELINGS" repeated ad nauseam.

    Superman has refused to comment on the matter.

    • I believe Rob Bricken would take great interest in the Shipper for quality Fan Fiction Friday material!

  • I hafta play.
    The Logisticator confuses Batman with his needlessly complex attack plans and illogical strategies. He frequently sends bombs through the mail to heroes, but they rarely arrive on time and are often so badly manufactured that they don't work properly. He is openly hostile to his own allies, and usually sports a grin that implies you should eat a s— sandwich.

  • My villain is the Arsonist, a professional arsonist who now wears a ridiculous and conspicuous outfit for no apparent reason, due to the fat that he's in Gotham now (and despite the fact that being conspicuous is pretty stupid for setting fires).

  • Alan Thicke, criminal mastermind. Like David Bowie in Venture Bros. but, you know…Alan Thicke.

  • The villain would have the ability to see farts. I guess since he has one of the worst abilities ever, he would get pissed all the time and attack flatulent people.

  • my villain is elijah greysrite, aka "the recorder", he is the head docent for the gotham city museum of classical technology, he believes all the wireless devices are causing people to be more evil and that evil is welled up in their wireless devices. he feels the evil must be consumed by its creator to be destroyed, so in order to combat this he abducts angry cell phone users, coffee shop laptop writers, drivers who text, etc… and takes them to the basement of the museum and forces their electronic devices down their throats while tethering them in place with old phone cords to ground the evil being expelled back into electrical system where itll be neutralized. with wayne communications being gotham citys main cell phone and internet provider, this villain could be a problem for both batman……. and bruce wayne.

  • The Sock Broker.
    Everyone has lost a sock at some point; not a pair, just a single sock, leaving the matching sock alone and useless. That's the work of The Sock Broker. His victims are always confounded about how they could have lost just one sock. The Sock Broker brings the socks to his underground network of Sock Traders, where the socks are traded daily.

    Here's a scene of when Batman faces the Sock Broker (sounds better when using the Batman: The Brave and the Bold voice):

    Sock Broker: "I'm going to blow your sock off, Batman!"

    Batman: "Put a sock in it, Sock Broker! You can't defeat the knee-highs of justice!"

  • Are you a parasite? A drain on society? Basically, not a white male Republican? Then beware…the Randian! This talkative proponent of Objectivism won't hurt anyone, but will use his extensive knowledge of passive restraints, snares, and knots to ensure a captive audience for his six-plus hour lectures on the benefits of enlightened self-interest. A may only equal A when he says so, but you had best agree if you want a bathroom break!

    (I'm not entering, I just wanted to play!)

  • Adamned West.
    Real Name: William West Anderson
    Other Alias: The Greying Ghost

    A wacko mastermind infamous for dancing a terribly gibberish song. Recently he has been seen pretending to be mayor of a city in the Eastern United States thriving election from and by paranoia. Though clearly no one understands his antics, he is deeply disturbed by the Batman. Being overshadowed by, well his own shadow, Adamned West seeks revenge against the Batman for ruining his once bright-future career.

  • The Porceline Pioneer
    Real Name: Jon Crapper
    Base of Operations: The Dutch Oven
    Born in an Outhouse, life for Jon was rough growing up. Being poor he was always picked on as a child, often receiving many swirlies and having his pants pulled up on him when at a urinal, he swore revenge on any and all of the rich and influential men and women of Gotham. To do this, he opened his own plumbing company that catered to cleaning up the messes of his rich clientel. While being welcomed into their homes he would gather as much intel as he possible could, if there was nothing of value he would preform a little toilet back flow explosion that would force all te waste in the septic system to come rushing back out through entry point when a person sat down on the seat of the toilet. This was his calling card. Ironically, most clients would call him back to fix the issue that he himself caused, and this would once again give him an opportunite to scour the medicine cabinets. One would be surprised what you can learn from a persons medicine cabinet. Bruce Wayne was one such unlucky victim. Pain Killers, toothpaste, comb, a razor, a pair of handcuffs, some caltrops, gas mask, and then he saw it! The item that would make him filthy rich and embarass Mr. Wayne! Topical cream for genital wart removal! This was indeed The Porceline Pioneers crowning achievememt, and one that would earn him a top spot in Batman’s Rogue’s Gallery!

  • Captain Pot Pouri. Knocked into a vat of Chemicals at a chemical plant, but managing to hang onto the rim of the vat before being pulled out; Melvyn Thayne avoided drowning in the foul chemicals he was dropped in. However his ass wasn't so lucky. The chemicals travelled into his bowels where they gave him the ability of super powered farts. Able to generate a range of gases from his ass, ranging from sleeping gas to hallucinogens based on what he eats, no nose in Gotham is safe from the foul stench of his of his crimes.

  • The Awkward Acquaintance – Not so much a supervillain. More like a slight annoyance. Instead of being a menace or public disturbance, he just shows up and doesn't leave. Worse of all…he creeps out your girlfriend.

  • The Almost

    Stanly Stanton is a man with a chip on his shoulder. Everyday after work he dons a costume that almost looks like a super suit. Most poeple confuse him with an slightly overweight weekend motorcycle enthusiast if not just a big fan of sons of anarchy. 5 nights a week (the weekends are spent with his mother of course playing bingo and attending her book club of course) this balding near sighted sap ALMOSTS robs banks, liqour stores, and old ladies trying to cash thier Social Security checks. He never succeeds though due to Catholic guilt and extreme fears of prison and its "rapey" ways. after a series of mishaps where The Almost (the name dubbed by his overbearing mother after she reads his diary and laughing hysterically) keeps running into the real criminals of Gotham Batman take notice. Of course Batman ALMOST arrests him but instead batlines away muttering how much a waste of time Stanley is.. Why would he? The only crime THE ALMOST commits is squeezing his flabby body into a way too tight leather outfit, that and still living with his dear mother at age 35. So BEWARE citizens of Gotham The Almost might be lurking in the shadows second guessing himself until its time for him to get home and fix his mother dinner.

  • My Villain?

    The Variator.

    We've all walked into a toy store and seen the pegs filled with stupid batman variants, but we always thought that was just the toy company trying to squeeze more money from us. as it turns out, there's another reason. A horrifying, day-glo orange, battle armored reason.

    Matthew Tell (See what I did there?) was just your average joe in Gotham, and by average I mean repressed maniac. One day, while reading up on the blunders of the other supervillains, he got a thought in his head : Batman is a master strategist, but if I were so gaudy and outrageous in my crimes, he would be so flabbergasted he couldn't figure out what to do. Of course, Batman being Batman, he lost, but that doesn't stop him from returning. Street luge Batman? the variator put out a giant Slip and Slide Covered in acid. Virus attack Batman? Variator's sending out spam e-mails about norwegian prince money scams. Spine buster Batman? Eh, you don't want to know, really. The Variator will always be there, to thwart Batman, to hurt the eyes of small children, and to keep people from their beloved later waves of action figures.

    End.