Inspired by He-Man.org’s Roast Gooble Dinner podcast, welcome to PGPoA’s latest MOTUC Bio Discussion!
Category: MOTUC Bios Page 1 of 8
Real Name: Slltyo of the Rattlor House
A loyal leader in King Hssss’ army, Rattlor was the first of the Snake Men to escape their imprisonment in the Void. He worked with the Snake Men descendent Kobra Khan to liberate the entire serpent army. Once freed, Hssss quickly began a three-way war against the Masters of the Universe and Skeletor’s Evil Warriors, with Rattlor leading the attack. Eventually, Khan manipulated Hssss into demoting Rattlor and he defected to the evil Horde army. Under Hordak, Rattlor became known as “The General” for his keen insight into enemy strategy. After sounding his sinister battle rattle, Rattlor lashes out at victims with his terrible quick-strike head!
This bio is interesting because it strives to provide in-universe explanations for two completely incidental aspects of MOTU history.
Real Name: Dekker
Originally a mercenary from the Dunes of Doom, Dekker switched sides during one of the early battles of the Great Unrest and fought with King Miro against Marzo’s tyranny. His wisdom and courage quickly lead to his appointment as Miro’s Man-At-Arms, leading and training the royal soldiers. Throughout these battles Dekker took a young prodigy named Duncan under his wing, traveling through Eternia, fighting evil together. In time, Dekker retired to Orkus Island, passing his title and duties to his former apprentice and sidekick. Although he now enjoys the simple life of a fisherman, the ever-present forces of evil occasionally call him back to fight for justice alongside the heroic Masters of the Universe.
Before we go further, let me take this opportunity to remind everyone once again that I absolutely hate the use of the term “Masters of the Universe” to describe the good guys. Why can’t they just be the Heroic Warriors? Can’t be trademarked, I suppose.
Moving on, Dekker appeared in the episode “The Island” of the Millennium He-Man and the Masters of the Universe cartoon. Nothing in this bio contradicts what was depicted in the episode, though I believe it adds the bit about Marzo and the Great Unrest (at least in terms of Dekker’s involvement).
Honestly, I don’t think there’s a lot to comment on here. Thoughts?
Evil Horde Bounty Hunter
Real Name: Scychor
Originally a partner with Kronis, Scychor roamed the galaxy as a mercenary and professional thief. Eventually Kronis betrayed his friend, throwing Scychor from a Boa Jet while escaping from Horde Patrol Units. Falling hundreds of feet to the surface of a small moon, Scychor was healed by rogue scientists by preserving his organs in a robotic chest and his brain in a cyborg skull. After serving the scientists for twenty years, he became a freelance bounty hunter, willing to steal, kill or betray anyone for the right price. During the Second Ultimate Battleground, Cy-Chop was hired by Hordak to bolster his forces against the Snake Men and Masters of the Universe. Using his robotic scissor blades, Cy-Chop strikes out, but only for the right price!
Wait – I thought the Horde and the Snake Men were a single “grand army” during the Second Ultimate Battleground?
While there have been varying degrees of a “fan fiction” vibe in almost all of these bios, this one strikes me as particularly fanfic-esque. The association with Kronis and making this guy a bounty hunter (a profession I’m fairly certain wouldn’t have nearly the cultural cachet in geek circles fiction if not for Boba Fett) are what makes it feel most like a fanfic to me.
Other than that, this guy basically has the same bio as Steve Austin: his life is saved by adding cyborg parts, but then he’s forced to pay it back via indentured servitude for the next two decades. I suppose the whole ethics issue goes out the window when you’re dealing with “rogue” scientists, though.
Oh, and in regard to the “real name,” I have to say “Scythor” is the name I would have given him. It looks more like the word “scythe” and rolls off the tongue better than “Sychor,” which, by the way, is really annoying to type over and over. I suppose the “ch” was chosen to represent the “chopping” nature of the character’s gimmick.
Real Name: Procrustus
After the Gods created the Five Dimensions, they hid their secret magic in the form of a star inside the core of a small planet in the center of the dimension of Eternia. Naming the planet after the dimension it resided in, they assigned the immortal four-armed giant Procrustus to remain there and guard their magical secrets. Over the millennia, the magic began to seep out, and many wise magicians learned to tap into these powers for both good and evil. In time, the ruthless warlock Hordak attempted to break apart Eternia using a spell of separation in order to access the magic’s source. Although his spell was thwarted, Procrustus was now forced to literally hold the planet together remaining forever at the planet’s core!
Procrustus originates from a two-page appearance in the early minicomic “The Magic Stealer.” The story begins when Skeletor comes across a pyramind in Eternia’s North Pole that allows him to absorb all the energy of Eternia. (The fact that such a thing not only exists but was sitting around unguarded shows why I sometimes think everyone on Eternia is too stupid to live.)
Things go haywire in Eternia, so He-Man heads off to the North Pole to investigate. In the course of his journey, this happens:
(images from James Eatock’s The He-Man and She-Ra Blog)
Questions abound: how did He-Man recognize Procrustus on sight? Has the guy come to the surface before? Does He-Man head down to Eternia’s core for the occasional Gods and Demigods’ Night?
More importantly, where the hell was Procrustus going? “Eh–? Oh, it’s He-Man. Why do you restrain me? I’ve been holding Eternia together for 4,000,000,000 years, so I thought I’d earned a spare minute to run to the Circle-K for a soda and a Caramello.” Then He-Man shoots him back down into the core of Eternia, and Procrustus just takes it like a wuss. I’ve really got to start doing reviews of the minicomics, some of them are truly hilarious. UPDATE: As Poester Robzy pointed out in the comments, Procrustus, like everything else “magic” in Eternia, was responding to the lure of the “magic-siphon” Skeletor was operating. So that’s where he was going, I guess. It’s nice that Eternia can hang together for a few minutes while Procrustus goes topside for a few, but this still seems like a really tenuous way to run a planet.
Anyway, we get a bit more of Procrustus’s history here in the bio. Now we’re told there are Gods who created the Five Dimensions, and Procrustus becomes an “immortal four-armed giant” they assign to guard their magical secrets, which consist of…what? Castle Grayskull?
Procrustus’s job is now explained as a result of Hordak’s attempt to split Eternia in half, which is a rather nice way to tie his minicomic appearance to this story angle, which is derived from the Millennium cartoon.
Evil Energy-Draining Insectoid
Real Name: Bliddeon Black
A Kribleen insectoid vampire from the Gluubux Galaxy, Mosquitor joined the Evil Horde on his own accord, preferring the Empire to life in a mud hole on his home world. Looking like a normal insectoid, Mosquitor moves in on his prey then stings them hard and sucks them dry. He is extremely vicious though not particularly brainy. You can’t get blood from a rock, but Mosquitor has tried in his day. Mosquitor drains his enemies of their energy while his bionic stinger and chest oozes red with power. Even Hordak keeps his distance from the Evil Horde vampire!
Okay, first the names. “Bliddeon Black” sounds like a rejected Harry Potter character, while I’m fairly certain George Lucas tossed the names “Kribleen” and “Gluubux” into the circular file in favor of “Naboo” and “Dooku.” After so many of the other animal-type characters have had unprounceable names, Mosquitor gets one that seems vaguely Anglo-Saxon? Just seems odd. (Side note: I would still believe a real person was named “Bliddeon Black” before “Benedict Cumberbatch.”)
Actually the whole bio seems a little weird to me. “Looking like a normal insectoid?” First off, what counts as a “normal” insectoid – I mean, we know of two other insectoids who look nothing like Mosquitor. And do normal insectoids have giant robotic stingers for noses? Finally, when you’re six feet tall, can you really approach another person nonchalantly as a “normal” insectoid and then sting them? Seems like it would be easier to just jump ’em in a dark alley.
Heroic Embodiment of Castle Grayskull
Real Name: Not Applicable
During the Second Ultimate Battleground, Hordak and King Hssss’s grand army pressed in against the allied heroes of Eternia. In the darkest moment of battle, all hope seemed lost as many heroes fell, including Snake Man-At-Arms and Stratos. Reaching out through the Orb of Power, hidden deep inside Castle Grayskull, He-Man and the new Sorceress used an unrepeatable spell to call upon the Power of Grayskull and infuse life into the very spirit of the castle itself. Rising from the castle’s hidden Chamber of Defense, Castle Grayskullman marched into battle, swinging his dual swords of power, helping to turn the tide.
Let’s set aside the deeply weird notion of an anthropomorphic Castle Grayskull and accept that it’s probably not any more strange than anything else that’s happened in the MOTU universe.
If you can get past that, then I think this bio is more or less how I would have done it – bringing the castle to life through a last-ditch spell in their darkest hour, and having the character help turn the tide but not be so powerful as to immediately save the day.
I will say, though, that the creepy blonde hair everyone’s commented on made me think Castle Grayskullman was going to be some sort of temporary merging of He-Man and Castle Grayskull, That would certainly have explained the hair and made it a bit easier to swallow as part of the design.
The bios are getting a bit morbid, aren’t they? First He-Ro, then the Sorceress and Duncan, and now
Clamp Champ (who I’m guessing they’re referring to as Man-At-Arms, though I suppose it could still be referring to the Snake Man-ized Duncan) and Stratos buy it. UPDATE: Poester The Flash III pointed out that I missed the word “Snake” before Man-At-Arms – possibly because they didn’t italicize the “Snake” for whatever reason. Anyway, evidently he’s the one who dies, which we already knew.
Oh, and evidently King Hssss and Hordak team up for the Second Ultimate Battleground. So was Skeletor his own faction at the S.U.B.?
Stinkor. It’s as if someone took all the derogatory clichés about the original Masters of the Universe line and put them into one figure: he’s a half-man, half-amusing-animal with an off-putting action feature (a terrible smell) and a lazy name that describes said action feature but adds “-or” to the end of it.