Accoutrements is a manufacturer of novelty toys and fun, goofy baubles–the sort of stuff that coats one wall of your local Spencers or Newbury Comics, or makes up 90% of the non-book merchandise at a college store. I remember picking up their Sigmund Freud figure almost a decade ago as a gag, and since then, they’ve added more and more real-life people from throughout history–from big ones like Alexander the Great, Benjamin Franklin and Annie Oakley to completely obscure folks like Seth Godin and “Fuzz.”

They don’t skimp on the famous writers, either: the line features Edgar Allan Poe, Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, and of course the Bard.

All well and good, but seriously, Accoutrements: where is the H.P. Lovecraft figure?

I mean, this is a license to print money, folks. Lovecraft exists at exactly the right intersection between literary notoriety and pop culture adoration for an action figure like this. He could come with almost any number of Cthulhu-related accessories, from the Necromicon to the famous statue from “The Call of Cthulhu” to Randolph Carter’s silver key from, well, “The Silver Key”…I mean, this figure designs itself!

Plus, Lovecraft has enough of a unique face that it won’t just look like a random guy in a suit–not any more than Seth Godin, anyway. And he’s an American author, so poor Mr. Poe won’t have to fend off all those limey Brits by himself. Do it for America, Accoutrements.

I can see this figure flying out of a store like Newbury Comics. Hell, I’d preorder the thing, personally, and get one to open and one to keep on the card. I can’t think of any potential rights issues, since Lovecraft was a public figure–Arkham House can’t copyright or trademark a person. And the Necronomicon is famously a public domain idea, given its presence in about half of all horror literature and film in the last thirty years.

I emailed Accoutrements about the idea of a Lovecraft figure once, years ago. Here’s the reply I received:

H.P. Lovecraft is a great idea for an action figure. However, we do not take outside ideas… Here at Accoutrements, we have a great design team that works tirelessly to create all of our action figures (and the rest of our wacky stuff), and we are always working on new ideas. I hope you and your friends will keep an eye out for new ones in the future.

What? “We do not take outside ideas”? I’m not pitching a screenplay here. I can’t sue you if you make an H.P. Lovecraft figure just because I mentioned it. The email was polite enough, but unsatisfying.

Look, I just want an H.P. Lovecraft figure, Accoutrements. Make it happen. Please.