Sometimes, between the unnecessary surgery that takes up most of my day, I take a nice long breather out in the fresh air far away from the screams in the basement and reflect upon things. At other times, I’m all about relaxing in my toy room, taking a seat at the table in the middle of the room where I can remove various toys from their home on the shelf and have them duke it out, or have a beer together, or hunt down and kill Napoleon Dynamite.

No matter what kind of collector you are (unless you’re a MOC or 12″ collector and are thus lame) you know the thrill of having a bunch of characters from different properties chilling out together and doing something that you’re the boss of. With this in mind, there are numerous essential accessories that a collector must own so that their toys really get the most out of their lives: these are Essential Accessories.

1. Wrestling Ring

This is the traditional, number #1 must-own Essential Accessory. There is nothing better in your collection than having The Undertaker lay the smack-dab on Napoleon Dynamite, or having the Alien smack Predator in the face with a WWE chair. In addition to being relatively inexpensive, the wrestling ring is very versatile, allowing for all kinds of amusing scenarios AND it combines all of your other accessories – nearly everything, no matter how powerful or mundane, becomes a weapon when put inside a wrestling ring. Scale isn’t even an issue with this one – anything goes. Put the Balrog on the outside and Gandalf inside, and you have the best Wrestlemania EVER.

2. Guns. Lots of guns.

Sure, Marcus Fenix has a gun with a chainsaw on the end, the Joker has a smiley face bazooka, and 47’s packing a full armory in his clamshell, but slam a firearm into the cuddly hands of a Rabbid, and you have a party on your hands. It’s a fact that any long-time collector will amass an army’s worth of guns in their Accessory Box, and you should put them to good use! Give Santa a tommygun! The Jurassic Park raptor would love a shotty! Frodo wouldn’t have any problem getting the One Ring to Mordor if he was packing heat!

3. Alcohol

Everyone loves kicking back with a brewski until they end up tied down in my basement, and your toys are no different. Brian has his martini, Homer has his Duff, they must all be shared!! Even the underage toys – we don’t pass judgment here! What’s more, they can all head down to Moe’s Tavern to chill with others. Duffman – can’t breathe!

4. Body Parts

Nothing spices up a display quite like dismembered limbs!! With various slashers and zombies including various parts of victims, you have no choice but to throw these in with your collection!! There are even whole figures dedicated to providing you with corpses, such as the McFarlane Toys Body Bag and the nasty Happy Tree Friends Deluxe, in addition to the insane anime figures that come to pieces – these are essential!

That’s my word limit reached! Come back next week for Part 2 of Essential Accessories, and post your own in the comments below!

READER RESPONSE!!!

Previously on Doc Thomas Probes, the Doc wrote:

Collectors were broadly disappointed with these figures, and mostly because of the sculpting, but are they that much worse than the majority of Hasbro’s Star Wars figures? Really? Let’s be honest with ourselves here.

PresidentJuggernaut replied:

Um…yes. Yes they are that much worse. Have you seen a recent Star Wars figure? You should get one of each line and hold them next to each other. Hasbro has done a fantastic job in the 3¾â€³ scale for the most part.

Doc Thomas responds:

Uhh…

Exhibit 1

Exhibit 2

Exhibit 3

Exhibit 4

Yeeeaaahh…

Disclaimer: The opinions of Doc Thomas do not necessarily represent the opinions of Poe Ghostal, nor should Poe’s posting of Doc’s editorials be construed as a tacit endorsement of said views. Blackmail, however, may be freely inferred.