Toy Aisle Trolls > Wrestling Snatch

Toy Aisle Trolls is a feature highlighting acts of vandalism to in-store toy items. If you find a ruined package, a stolen figure, a swapped-out figure, or any other such acts, take a photo (cell phone photos are fine if they’re not blurry) and email them to poe AT poeghostal.com.

Poester 3B sends in another one:

Says 3B:

I encountered this at Toy R Us. I usually see this with Mattel’s WWE Elite line as the package is easier to reseal and the vandals swap out the new figures with old Jakks Pacific versions of the same wrestler. But this guy not only replaced the figures with different wrestlers, but he STAPLED the bubble back on to the card.

I’m not really familiar with professional wrestling, so I’ll leave it to you to decide exactly which painful move should be inflicted on the piece of canine fecal matter who did this.

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7 Comments

  1. Mark

    @dayraven: Carlito was also showing up for shows high on drugs and he was so wasted they couldn't let him wrestle which didn't help him in the locker room……..well I guess him, the Hardys and Brian Kendrick got on fine šŸ˜‰

    In the UK when you buy a toy you've bought it, no going back. Only way you could maybe get an exchange or a refund is if it was damaged or missing parts.

  2. I thought you said to Sweet Chin Music his dick, which I found hilarious. Once I read it correctly, it wasn't as funny.

    I like to think that the ghost of Bruiser Brody is doing this and he haunts toy stores swapping out every Colon figure he sees.

  3. americanhyena

    To throw more fuel on the fire…the figures that the guy's swapped in? Those aren't even Jakk's *standard* old figures.

    They're the super cheap ones with minimal articulation that were packaged four or more to a pack and sold on clearance around the holidays at Toys'R'Us. You can tell because the cheap multi-pack ones use the super old Jakks "Titan Tron" buck with no bicep articulation. Both the characters in the package didn't exist until well after Jakks had switched to the better articulated "Ruthless Agression" buck.

    My point is that these are figure no adult collector would own normally. Leading me to suspect that he probably bought a bunch of them at a cheap discount so that he could use them to swap out more expensive figures OR he ripped them off of a collection from a kid.

    Someone Sweet Chin Music this d*ck.

  4. dayraven

    just for the record poe, the two guys who got replaced were the colon brothers from puerto rico, at one time, both prospects for solid middle tier guys. today, one has been fired and one guy wrestles so far down the card, you're more likely to buy a t-shirt from him than see him on tv.

    the guys that were put in the package are likewise no longer employed the company. paul burchill (the white guy) was a curtain jerker extraordinaire, not even the football equivalent of special teams, and the brother was at one point pegged for big things, but then they pretty much decided everyone else on the roster had more talent than he did, and they shitcanned him too. it's kind of an even swap, unless you're big into puerto rican wrestlers.

    personally, we (the family) liked the colon brothers, both were professionals in the ring and capable of giving you a good match w/ pretty much everyone. they weren't the best mic workers, but neither were bad. the problem is carlito was thought to be kind of lazy, from a lockroom standpoint, and poor primo got lumped in w/ his brother, despite having a better attitude.

  5. PrfktTear

    Here’s what I’d do: We’re in the ring at a <del>WWF</del> WWE wrestling match.

    I'd bitch him out in front of the entire arena, telling him he's nothing but a no-good scum sucking maggot and his mother should be ashamed. Then I'd throw the mic down, head butt him a few times, and throw him into the turn buckle. While he's stupefied, I'd run up and slam into him, then get off some good punches. Next, I'd start running back and forth in the ring gaining momentum and then hit him with a clothesline.

    While he's on the floor and stunned, I’d climb up to the top rope and body slam right on him. At this point he’s probably going to try and slither out of the ring and escape, so I’ll go right after him. He tries to smash me in the face with a folding chair, but he misses and knocks the ref. out. So now it’s on! He tries to get away, but I’m able to catch up with him, using the crowd barrier to re-arrange his face. After a few more minutes of random pummeling I pick him up and throw him back into the ring.

    By now the ref is gaining consciousness and after a few more clotheslines, body slams, and suplexes, he’s down for the count. Then the room goes pitch black and it gets very cold. A loud bell rings several times and as the lights slowly come back on the entire place is covered in a layer of fog. The silhouette of what is The Undertaker is coming out can be seen followed by a casket being led by some druids. Two of the druids are holding large brown sacks.

    The casket is brought to the side of the ring, and two of the druids roll the defeated troll into the casket. Then the other two holding the bag empty the contents into the casket, which are revealed to be various bugs, centipedes, millipedes, spiders, worms, etc. Then the casket is sealed and is lead out to a hearse that has been backed into the entranceway.

    The Undertaker is given the mic by one of the druids and he says in a low growling voice, “May he NEVER. Rest. In peace.” Taker then slowly proceeds to the entrance and the hearse vanishes into the fog. The ref takes my hand and raises it in victory.

  6. Snarf! Snarf!

    First I'd spit in the face of the troll… cause he don't want to be cool. Then I'd do the finishers of the wrestlers he stole followed by the finishers from the replacement wrestlers. I'm feeling generous so, I won't staple his testicles to a table.

  7. jackstatic

    Honestly, the more and more of this that I see posted on here (or in person, and I see alot of it in the stores, but don't have a good camera phone)the more I feel like a chump for handing these stores money. I know I could easily get away with doing this myself. I don't…. but really… It's so common place to see this that I really do feel like a chump paying for toys nowadays….

    as for the wrestling move. John Cena's finisher, the F U seems appropriate… haha

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