While trawling eBay for bootleg luchador figures (naturally), I came across this…thing.

I’m not exactly sure why, but it kind of freaks me out. It reminds me of the “B-17” sequence in Heavy Metal, I think, which creeped me out as a kid. Unlike undead pirates, undead soldiers just seems wrong and kind of politically distasteful somehow – even when they appear to be undead 1960s South American Communist soldiers.

I did some digging and, this being the Internet, found some collectors discussing these figures.

The description below the title has three bullet points:

• Twisting head and waist – presumably a helpful suggestion for a method of homicide, useful for the sort of person who would purchase this toy.
• Moving arms, legs – again, the arms and legs of one’s victim, which presumably have been separated from the torso by this time and can now be “moved” to a shallow grave.
• Playing assortes – Your guess is as good as mine. Google Translate had no idea what the hell “assortes” was, so I can only assume it’s a some sort of secret code among serial killers.

The art featuring the above “Skeleton Guy from The Last Unicorn in Fatigues” was on all the cards. In addition, the eBay seller also had:

The Incredible Melting Man…

The Burgerdier General…

Travis Barker with a skin condition…

…and this guy, who looks like one of those incredibly racist WWII anti-Japanese posters.

Who the hell is the target consumer here? Children? Is there anyone irresponsible enough to give these abominations to an impressionable young mind?

Oh, and evidently there aren’t any good guys to restore sanity to the world by sending these miscreations screaming back to the pits of hell. The Devil Warriors depicts a world of horror without hope, the ultimate expression of nihilistic despair.

They also look like pretty shitty toys.

Usually when I find something like this I want one, but not in this case. These things are creepy, awfully made, and in general make me feel icky.