Procrustus
Real Name: Procrustus

After the Gods created the Five Dimensions, they hid their secret magic in the form of a star inside the core of a small planet in the center of the dimension of Eternia. Naming the planet after the dimension it resided in, they assigned the immortal four-armed giant Procrustus to remain there and guard their magical secrets. Over the millennia, the magic began to seep out, and many wise magicians learned to tap into these powers for both good and evil. In time, the ruthless warlock Hordak attempted to break apart Eternia using a spell of separation in order to access the magic’s source. Although his spell was thwarted, Procrustus was now forced to literally hold the planet together remaining forever at the planet’s core!

Procrustus originates from a two-page appearance in the early minicomic “The Magic Stealer.” The story begins when Skeletor comes across a pyramind in Eternia’s North Pole that allows him to absorb all the energy of Eternia. (The fact that such a thing not only exists but was sitting around unguarded shows why I sometimes think everyone on Eternia is too stupid to live.)

Things go haywire in Eternia, so He-Man heads off to the North Pole to investigate. In the course of his journey, this happens:

(images from James Eatock’s The He-Man and She-Ra Blog)

Questions abound: how did He-Man recognize Procrustus on sight? Has the guy come to the surface before? Does He-Man head down to Eternia’s core for the occasional Gods and Demigods’ Night?

More importantly, where the hell was Procrustus going? “Eh–? Oh, it’s He-Man. Why do you restrain me? I’ve been holding Eternia together for 4,000,000,000 years, so I thought I’d earned a spare minute to run to the Circle-K for a soda and a Caramello.” Then He-Man shoots him back down into the core of Eternia, and Procrustus just takes it like a wuss. I’ve really got to start doing reviews of the minicomics, some of them are truly hilarious. UPDATE: As Poester Robzy pointed out in the comments, Procrustus, like everything else “magic” in Eternia, was responding to the lure of the “magic-siphon” Skeletor was operating. So that’s where he was going, I guess. It’s nice that Eternia can hang together for a few minutes while Procrustus goes topside for a few, but this still seems like a really tenuous way to run a planet.

Anyway, we get a bit more of Procrustus’s history here in the bio. Now we’re told there are Gods who created the Five Dimensions, and Procrustus becomes an “immortal four-armed giant” they assign to guard their magical secrets, which consist of…what? Castle Grayskull?

Procrustus’s job is now explained as a result of Hordak’s attempt to split Eternia in half, which is a rather nice way to tie his minicomic appearance to this story angle, which is derived from the Millennium cartoon.